Gohan and Videl's Bachelor Parties
by Thanos6
Summary: During "Time Passages," Gohan and Videl are hiding from Chi-Chi. But Yamcha isn't letting them off that easy...
1. Visit To The Tower

Gohan and Videl's Bachelor Parties  
  
Hello all. Sorry I'm so late with the next chapter of "Tourney Nights." It will come, trust me; the same is true for "MST: Chrono Trigger Dimensions." In the meantime, though, here's this little story. It takes place sometime during Chapter 11 of "Time Passages." Enjoy!  
  
****  
  
Kami-sama's tower.  
  
"Are you comfortable, Gohan?" That was Dende, the Namek that currently held the position of Kami.  
  
"We're fine, Dende. Thanks for letting us stay up here." That was Gohan, the most powerful being on the planet. He and his fiance, Videl, were hiding from his mother Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi had a very personal (not to mention embarassing) question for the couple. And thus, until the wedding day, they had to retreated to the tower, where Dende was allowing them to stay. Gohan had saved the Earth on several occasions; it was the least he could do.  
  
They had been up there for two days now. It was very nice, as one would expect the home of a so-called god to be. The date for the wedding had been set for twelve days from now.  
  
Dende nodded and continued to pace around the perimeter of the tower, using his far-seeing abilities to try and detect any dangerous anomalies. His combination friend and servant Mr. Popo followed him.  
  
Gohan sat back in his chair--the couple was sunbathing--and turned to look at Videl. She was smart, attractive, loving...everything he could hope for in a woman. And the knowledge that she considered him everything she could hope for in a man made it all the sweeter.  
  
From behind them, there came a small cough. It suggested not that the cougher had a tickle in his throat or a chunk of food stuck in his esophagus, but rather they wished to make their presence known.  
  
Gohan and Videl craned their heads backwards. The identity of the cougher was revealed.  
  
It was Yamcha, wearing a grin. Yamcha was one of Gohan's father's oldest friends. He had once been a bandit, and while he had long since turned to good, he still possessed quite the roguish nature.  
  
"Hey Gohan. Hello Miss Videl."  
  
"Uh...hey Yamcha," Gohan said hesitantly, adjusting his sunglasses to see the older man better. "How did you find us?"  
  
"Deduction. Once everyone knew you were gone, not to mention the reason you were gone, I figured you'd be among friends. The only ones that couldn't immediately be questioned by Chi-Chi were Tenshinhan and Chaozu, and Dende and Mr. Popo. Then I decided that the wastelands that Tenshinhan and Chaozu live in would be considered unsuitable to take the love of your life to. That left Dende."  
  
"You're smarter than you look," Videl muttered.  
  
"Not hard, I have to admit."  
  
"Please, Yamcha-san, don't take us back to my mother! She'll kill us!"  
  
Yamcha laughed. "I'd never dream of doing such a thing. I just came up to tell you that you're not getting off the hook, though."  
  
"W-What do you mean?" the young half-Saiyan asked nervously, while Videl simply gulped.  
  
"You have a bachelor party to go to on the night before the big day, Gohan. Miss Videl, you have a bachelorette party of your own."  
  
The couple stared blankly. Yamcha took off into the air, and began to fly off.  
  
"I'll tell everyone else I searched up here and didn't find you. But I expect you to meet me at my old desert place the night before; Gohan, you know where that is, you've visited before. See you then!"  
  
He flew away, back toward the surface of the Earth. Gohan and Videl merely sighed, and consigned themselves to their fate. 


	2. Two Old Friends

As Yamcha promised, he revealed to no one the couple's location. However, he did hunt down Lunch, one of Goku's oldest acquaintances.  
  
"Hello Yamcha!" she said perkily. "It's been too long since I've seen you!"  
  
He had to restrain himself from visibly licking his lips; it seemed like she hadn't aged a day, and she was still as beautiful as ever. However, he had a girlfriend, Maron, even if she was one of the least intelligent beings to ever walk the planet.  
  
"And I you," he said. "Come here a moment, will you?"  
  
As the dark-haired beauty approached him, he tossed a handful of dust in her face. Her reflexes took over as she inhaled…and then sneezed.  
  
Her hair lightened colors as her other personality--the psychotic, weapons-loving one--took over. "What do you want?" she growled.  
  
He draped an arm around her shoulder. She glared at it, but made no effort to remove it.  
  
"Lunch," he said, "You like parties, don't you?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And you like to get drunk, right?"  
  
"It's one of my favorite activities."  
  
"In that case, how'd you like to help me organize a party where you can get drunk all you like?"  
  
"Keep talking."  
  
***  
  
Several minutes later, he flew away, contented. That had gone well. And now, he had another stop to make.  
  
***  
  
He landed on the small isle on which Kame House was located.  
  
"KURIRIN!" he yelled.  
  
Not too much later, a small man with lots of black hair walked out of the tiny building.  
  
"Hey Yamcha. Whatcha want?"  
  
Yamcha told him about the Gohan situation, omitting the younger man's hiding place.  
  
"So will you help me plan his party?"  
  
"Sure, anytime."  
  
"Good." Yamcha cast a glance back at the house. "Uh--Juuhachigou won't mind, will she?" Yamcha and Eighteen had never gotten along that well to begin with, and having her husband hang around a lot of naked women might be pushing it.  
  
"Yamcha, let me remind you of something. We live. With our daughter. In the house. Of the world's biggest pervert. Who has the largest collection of pornography in the world. If she doesn't mind that, she definitely won't mind this."  
  
He chuckled, waved goodbye, and took off into the air.  



	3. Disbelief And Deceit

Chi-Chi, meanwhile, was on the warpath.  
  
"How dare she! How DARE she!" She was ranting to Goku, who was backed in a corner of the living room, trying to stay out of her way.  
  
"That little hussy!" she continued. "She's corrupted my Gohan! My good, kind, pure-hearted Gohan! She's turned him into something horrible!"  
  
"But Chi-Chi," Goku interrupted, "The other day I saw Gohan riding the Kin'toun, he's still pure-hearted."  
  
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" she yelled, as loud as her husband had ever heard. "He's abandoned his mother! The Gohan I know would never do that! That woman has twisted him!"  
  
At this point, Goku realized it would be better to keep his mouth shut. Instead of speaking, he merely nodded vaguely.  
  
"And he's hiding from me! I'm the woman that loves him most in the world!" Her eyes began to tear up. "She doesn't love him. She's just deceiving and using him. Oh, my poor boy! He's going to suffer so!"  
  
***  
  
"Oh yeah. That feels good."  
  
Gohan lay flat on his chest. He and Videl were currently taking turns rubbing suntan lotion on one another.  
  
***  
  
"It'll all end in misery, I just know it!"  
  
There was a long silence. Chi-Chi stared at the floor, while Goku simply stood there awkwardly. Then came a knock at the door.  
  
"I wonder who it is?"  
  
"It's just the mail," said Chi-Chi. "It always comes at this time, I thought you would have learned by now." She chuckled in spite of herself.  
  
Goku opened the door and picked up the mail on the doorstep. His eyes widened as he saw one envelope.  
  
"Hey, we won a free vacation!"  
  
Chi-Chi clicked her tongue and took the envelope. "No doubt we haven't won anything, it's just one of those tricks to get us to buy something." She ripped it open and scanned the contents.  
  
"Goku, we did win! We don't have to do anything! We won an all-expenses paid vacation to the Southern Islands!"  
  
"That sounds like fun! How long does it last?"  
  
Chi-Chi found the relevant information. "It starts…tomorrow, and ends the day before Gohan's wedding to that evil woman," she said, her eyes narrowing briefly.  
  
She tapped her feet for a moment while Goku looked at her oddly.  
  
"All right," she said suddenly, "We'll do it. We can go tomorrow, come back on the day, change clothes, and be at the wedding. Let's go get packed!"  
  
Outside the house, listening in at a window, Yamcha grinned. The plan had worked. With those two out of the way, everything would be fine. What could possibly go wrong?  



	4. The Issuing Of The Invitations, Part One

(NOTE--If you have not read any of my other stories, you will be confused as heck by the presence of certain characters. It is recommended you read "Saiyans on the Road" and "Time Passages" before this one)  
  
Now that he had allies to help him plan the parties, Yamcha could concentrate on the guest lists. He decided that first he would invite the guests to Gohan's party, and then get the ones for Videl.  
  
Now then…who would like to go to a bachelor party…  
  
***  
  
It took some difficulty, but eventually he found the house of the man he was looking for.  
  
Well…perhaps the term man was not entirely correct.  
  
Yamcha landed and knocked on the door of the log cabin. After a moment, the door opened to reveal Juunanagou. Seventeen. Unlike his sister, he didn't hang out with the others as much. After the defeat of Cell, Yamcha could remember seeing the cyborg only twice. Once at his sister's wedding to Kuririn, and the other time at the birth of his niece Marron. Other than that, he had mostly been an enigma, preferring his solitude. He liked to hunt, so Yamcha supposed he didn't like people disturbing the habitat.  
  
"I remember you," said Juunanagou. "How may I help you?"  
  
"You've been invited to a party," said the scarred man, and then outlined the situation.  
  
"Well, well, well. That does sound like fun. I'll definitely be there. Good luck with the preparations."  
  
"Thanks," said Yamcha as took back to the air, "and good hunting."  
  
***  
  
"Of course we'll come!" said the old man. "Won't we Oolong?" The shape-shifting pig grinned and nodded enthusiastically.  
  
Yamcha sighed inwardly. Perhaps inviting Oolong and Kamesen'nin was a bad idea. But it was too late now.  
  
"Thank you. But, master, please don't try to fondle any of the ladies. This is a case of 'look but don't touch.'"  
  
***  
  
A few minutes later, Yamcha sat in the air, cross-legged. He was thinking.  
  
*Let's see…this doesn't seem like the kind of thing for Tenshinhan or Chaozu…Goten and Trunks are too young…I'll have to ask all of Gohan's friends, of course…*  
  
There was one individual whom Yamcha was particularly worried about inviting. Still, it involved Gohan, so he had to be asked.  
  
***  
  
Piccolo didn't blink.  
  
"So, you're wondering whether I wish to attend this so-called 'bachelor party' for Gohan?"  
  
"Ye-es."  
  
"What are they like?"  
  
Yamcha tried his best to look nonchalant. "Well, there'll be lots of drinks…"  
  
"I believe I can metabolize alcohol."  
  
"And lots of women," he said, carefully omitting the role of said women.  
  
"I've seen females before. Well, it is for Gohan, so I'll be there."  
  
"OK!" said Yamcha, sounding a bit overeager. "I'll just…be going…then…heh-heh…"  
  
He flew away quickly.  
  
***  
  
He landed at Capsule Corporation, currently serving as home for him, his close friend Pu'ar, and his girlfriend Maron, not to be confused with Kuririn's daughter.  
  
*I suppose I'll have to ask the rest of the guys,* he thought. His stomach felt full of lead. The other guys at Capsule Corporation were a very diverse crew, to be sure.  
  
***  
  
"Why, I've known Gohan since he was this high!" said Dr. Briefs, placing his hand a few feet above the floor. "Of course I'll come!"  
  
Yamcha was a bit surprised, but not too much. The doctor was a genius, but sometimes Yamcha had the sneaking feeling he wasn't that different from Kamesen'nin, only with a much higher IQ.  
  
***  
  
"A chance to imbibe spirits and ogle beautiful females? I'd be a fool to pass it up!" said Broli.  
  
Yamcha sighed. After restoring Broli's sanity, they'd discovered that he was quite the refined gentleman, for a Super Saiyan. It was a tad irritating.  
  
***  
  
"Hmm…why not. I need something to do," replied Turles in response to Yamcha's invitation.  
  
Broli and Turles had come from an alternate dimension, where they had also survived the destruction of Vegetasei. For a Saiyan, Turles was quite intelligent; he was a scientist himself.  
  
***  
  
Yamcha went to ask Vegeta, but paused. Instead, he wrote the question on a piece of paper, and laid it on Vegeta's pillow, where he knew the Saiyan would find it. He didn't want to be around when Vegeta and Bulma had the inevitable argument about it.  
  
***  
  
Raditz, Goku's brother, simply said, "I'll come." His face, however, gave him away. His eyes flickered briefly to his own fiance, Iroke, who was also pregnant, that being the reason she was his fiance.  
  
***  
  
Mirai-an older alternate reality version of Trunks-merely blushed in response.  
  
"C'mon, what do you say?"  
  
"I don't know Yamcha-san…this doesn't sound like my kind of thing…"  
  
Yamcha gave him a grin. "Oh? Never seen a naked woman before?"  
  
Now Mirai blushed even more, but covered his mouth with his hand to try and conceal a smile. "Well, I've seen them…I was flipping through the TV channels one day, and I found this one channel…"  
  
"And somehow you couldn't bring yourself to change it? Don't worry, I know how you feel." He gave the younger man a pat on the head. "But I mean in real life."  
  
Now his face was almost totally dark crimson. "No! No."  
  
"Well, we'll just have to change that. You're coming to this party. And if you don't," and here Yamcha lowered his voice to a whisper, "I'm telling Bulma about the channel."  
  
As Yamcha exited the room, he could only imagine the color the other man's face was now.  



	5. Intermission

The next day, the former bandit landed on the tower of Kami. He nodded at Dende and Mr. Popo then hunted out Gohan and Videl.  
  
He found Videl stretched out on her sunbathing chair, sighing pleasurably. Gohan was massaging her feet.  
  
"Am I interrupting anything?" asked Yamcha in an endearing tone of voice. Ignoring the baleful glare coming from the young man, he continued. "I just thought I'd tell you, Gohan, I've got the guest list for your bachelor party. Your friend Sharpener is coming." He rattled off a few more names of Gohan's friends. "Also, Dr. Briefs will be there. Kuririn will come. As will Kamesen'nin and Oolong. And Juunanagou. And Vegeta. Mirai will be there, probably blushing the whole time. Raditz and Broli and Turles can all make it. And Nappa and Bardock."  
  
Gohan ran his hands down his face. "You invited Nappa and Bardock to my bachelor party? Are you insane?"  
  
"I'll admit it may not have been the wisest decision in my life, but they had to be asked. Cheer up. You'll have a good time, trust me. And Miss Videl, you'll enjoy yours too."  
  
Videl waved a hand dreamily in response. Yamcha took to the air again.  
  
Gohan sighed. "Now what do I do?"  
  
"You can finish my feet, for starters."  
  
***  
  
The older man flew to Lunch's place. Sure enough, she was in her psychotic mode.  
  
"Hey. How's the party planning going?"  
  
"All right, I suppose. I've hired the stripper and the DJ, but I'm still trying to find an alcohol warehouse."  
  
"Well, if anyone can do it it's you, Lunch. Have a good day."  
  
***  
  
Yamcha walked, yawning, through the halls of Capsule Corporation. It had been a long day, and a nap sounded good about now. However, on the way to his room, he found the way barred by two obstacles, whose names were Trunks and Goten. They looked angry.  
  
"Hey kids. Something I can do for you?"  
  
"Yeah," said Trunks. "We hear you're throwing a party for Gohan. Why weren't we invited?"  
  
"Well," Yamcha replied chuckling, "You probably hate to hear this, but it's an adult thing. You're not old enough."  
  
"Are too!" said Goten. "We're 21!"  
  
"Only if you add your ages. If you average them, you're ten and a half. But you're still not old enough. In a few years, kiddos, then you can go to all the parties you want."  
  
He stepped over them and went to his room. They continued to stare after him for a moment, and then Trunks spoke.  
  
"Goten, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"  
  
"I think so Trunks, but where are we going to get a chair that big?"  
  
Trunks was silent for a moment, baffled at Goten's comment that had seemingly come from nowhere. Then he shrugged.  
  
"No, we have to get into that party!"  



	6. The Issuing Of The Invitations, Part Two

Yamcha checked back in with Lunch.  
  
"All the guests are invited. Gohan's party is good to go."  
  
"Good. I've got a DJ for Videl's party, but I can't find a good stripper. Maybe…you?"  
  
"Are you insane?!" yelled Yamcha. "Bulma will probably be there. And if Bulma sees me undressed, Vegeta will make sure my head ends up on a separate continent!"  
  
"Well, I'll just have to find one somewhere. In the meantime, you need to invite everyone."  
  
"Ok, I'll get right on it."  
  
***  
  
As the former bandit flew, he thought about those whom specifically hadn't been invited. It would probably turn out better, Lunch and Yamcha had both agreed, if neither the father of the groom nor the bride should be invited. And as for inviting Chi-Chi to Videl's party…that was simply not even to be considered.  
  
***  
  
"What about you standing on my head, like we did at the Budo'kai?" wondered Goten.  
  
Trunks shook his head. "Too risky. Someone might remember that and catch us. Then we'd be in trouble."  
  
The two youths continued to think.  
  
***  
  
"Sure, I'll come. It should be fun," said Bulma.  
  
Yamcha nodded, then risked a glance at Vegeta. The man was worried that the Saiyan king would take offense, but all the reaction he got was a quick glare.  
  
***  
"Fusion?"  
  
"No, too flamboyant. They'd still recognize us as Gotenks."  
  
***  
  
"Why not…I don't have anything better to do," said Juuhachigou flatly. "I'll just have to find something to do with Marron."  
  
"Pu'ar and Maron can sit her, they're not coming."  
  
"Good. That takes care of that."  
  
***  
  
"What if we sneak in and then just kinda act like we're supposed to be there?"  
  
"No. They'd see us…"  
  
And then inspiration dawned  



	7. The Parties Begin

The time flew by, until the eve of the wedding was upon the young couple. Gohan checked his watch.  
  
"Well, Videl, it's about 6:00. That's when Yamcha told us to meet him at his place. We'd better get going."  
  
Giving their farewells and thank you's to Dende and Mr. Popo, the two of them took off. They flew for a few minutes, then arrived at the former hideout of the former desert bandit.  
  
Inside, it was very dusty and looked like no one had been there for several years. It was quite dark, and they couldn't see anyone.  
  
"Yamcha?" Videl's voice pierced into the darkness. "Are you there?"  
  
Suddenly both of them jumped as something touched them on the back. They whirled to find Yamcha standing and grinning.  
  
"Glad to see you guys actually showed up. I'll take you to your respective parties. Follow me." He took off into the air. Gohan and Videl followed, trying to slow down their heart rates.  
  
***  
  
"Videl, your party is in that building there. I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow!"  
  
She nodded, kissed Gohan, and then flew down to where Yamcha had indicated.  
  
"As for you, Gohan, your party is this way." The two men touched down. Taking a deeply theatrical and overly dramatic bow, Yamcha opened the door. Gohan walked through the door.  
  
Everyone Yamcha had invited was there, drinking alcohol and looking like they were having a good time-except for Vegeta, who never looked like he had a good time.  
  
Well…almost everyone. Gohan's brow furrowed in puzzlement.  
  
"Where's Piccolo?"  
  
***  
  
As Lunch opened the door and Videl walked through, all the women who had gathered there cheered. She smiled, then noticed a certain Namek over in one corner of the room, legs crossed and floating. Videl whispered to Lunch.  
  
"Uh, why is Piccolo here? Shouldn't he be at Gohan's party?"  
  
"Yes, but he got the wrong building. Truth be told, seeing as how Piccolo is asexual, he doesn't seem to really care. He said that he was just going to meditate anyway."  



	8. In Which Much Alcohol Is Consumed

"So whaddya think of the party, Gohan?" his friend Sharpener asked. "Looks like this Yamcha guy did a pretty fair job of putting it together."  
  
"Sure looks that way," said Gohan. Aside from the many warriors who could destroy planets, Gohan saw a lot of friends from high school and college, and even some of the other scholars. Gohan was a bit surprised that they came; after all, some of them had been envious of him for being the youngest professor ever. But apparently some things ran thicker than jealousy.  
  
Alcohol appeared to be one of them. The bulky Saiyan called Nappa was already on his fifth cup of beer, and the party had just started a few minutes ago.  
  
Cup in hand, Sharpener walked off into the crowd. Gohan took a sip of his own drink. Personally, he didn't like the taste of beer too much, but he knew that this was one night he didn't DARE say that, unless he wanted to be relentlessly mocked.  
  
He hoped the alcohol wouldn't cause too much trouble. He didn't want to have to take any of his friends' keys if they got too intoxicated to drive. And he REALLY didn't want to have to knock out one of the super-powered martial artists if they got rowdy.  
  
Yamcha walked back up and clapped the younger man on the shoulder. "Having a good time?"  
  
"Pretty good."  
  
Yamcha grinned. "Then you're gonna love this." He turned his head slightly and yelled at someone that Gohan couldn't see.  
  
"OK fellas! Bring in the stripper!"  
  
***  
  
Videl finished her beer. She glanced back at the corner where Piccolo was meditating.  
  
Well, where he had been meditating. He wasn't anymore.  
  
She looked around and saw that Piccolo was, in fact, getting a beer of his own. A bit puzzled, she walked over to him.  
  
"Hello Piccolo."  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but I thought Gohan told me that you just needed water."  
  
Piccolo nodded. "That is correct, but I believe I can metabolize alcohol. I also wish to see if I can discover what it is that humans find so intriguing about it." He headed back to his corner.  
  
Eliza walked up behind her. "Hey Videl. Whatcha thinking about?"  
  
She looked around at Piccolo meditating again, occasionally taking a sip of the beer; at Bulma and Lunch swapping ribald jokes; at Juuhachigou standing off in one corner.  
  
"Just wondering what my future mother-in-law would say if she were here."  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, in the Southern Islands...  
  
Goku and Chi-Chi were sitting at a slightly upscale restaurant. It was the last day of their vacation, so they had decided to go to a nice place. For once Chi-Chi had been able to keep her husband's appetite under moderate control; he wasn't eating like a total pig.  
  
"I'd say that you aren't fit to marry my Gohan," she said under her breath.  
  
Goku looked up from one of his many plates. "What was that?"  
  
Chi-Chi also looked puzzled. "I don't know...something compelled me to say that, damned if I know why." 


	9. The Desert Bandit Versus The Wonder Boys

Gohan immediately began to blush. Yamcha took a seat next to him, when suddenly there was a loud banging sound. Frowning in puzzlement, Yamcha turned his head to look. The door had slammed closed.  
  
Because Goten had just walked in.  
  
Yamcha almost had a heart attack. Knowing Goten, he would tell his parents--especially his mother--about everything he'd seen. And then Chi-Chi would be after him. And then he'd be dead.  
  
He had to get him out of here.  
  
He ran up to Goten just as, judging by the sound of the cheers coming from behind him, the stripper had just walked out on stage.  
  
"Goten!"  
  
The ten-year old grinned at him. "Hey Yamcha-san!"  
  
"Goten," he said, grabbing onto his shoulders, "You shouldn't be here. I thought your parents had let you stay over with Trunks." He began to push Goten out the door.  
  
"Oh, they did!"  
  
And then, of course, Yamcha figured it out. If Goten was here...  
  
"Stay right here, Goten. Don't move."  
  
He whirled around and headed for the back door to the building. Sure enough, there was Trunks sneaking through the door as quietly as he could. Yamcha reached him right as the stripper removed her top. He didn't actually see it, but he'd been to enough bachelor parties in his time to judge what came off by the kind of cheer.  
  
"Trunks..."  
  
"Hi Yamcha-san."  
  
"I thought I told you you couldn't come to this."  
  
"I didn't want to, but Goten came here so I had to follow him--hey, there he goes!"  
  
Yamcha whirled again to see Goten trying to work his way into the crowd. Sighing, the bandit headed towards him and grabbed him by the hair. Another cheer. That one meant that she'd gotten rid of her pants.  
  
"Ow! Let go!"  
  
"Not until you promise not to move!"  
  
"OK, OK, I promise! Hey, where's Trunks going?"  
  
Dropping Goten, Yamcha whirled again; he was starting to get dizzy. Trunks was also trying to get into the crowd. The older man growled and headed back. He couldn't believe it. Everything was going fine, and at the last possible second for things to get screwed up...things were getting screwed up. He'd found that this was a theme that had repeated itself throughout his life. He snuck up on Trunks from behind and snagged his belt right as the cheer went up that indicated the stripper had taken off her bra.  
  
"Oh, damn!"  
  
"You got that right, punk. You're a bit too much like your father for my taste."  
  
"At least I'm not as much like my dad as Goten. There he goes!"  
  
Instinctively, Yamcha let go of the boy's belt and once again whirled around. Goten was trying to climb onto a rickety table to see what everyone else was cheering at, apparently forgetting he could fly. Yamcha got there right as the spike of crowd noise indicated that the stripper had removed what little of her clothing had remained. And right as he got there, he had a revelation.  
  
If the two kids were criminals, they'd be partners. Goten would be The Muscle, and Trunks would be The Brains. The former did work corresponding to the latter's orders. And the latter was the most dangerous. Stop The Brains and The Muscle was essentially harmless. Stop The Muscle, and The Brains would just find a replacement.  
  
And Trunks had been orchestrating all this, no doubt. Divide and conquer.  
  
Well, Yamcha had had enough. In his career, he'd been eliminated in the first round of three straight Tenkaichi Budokai's, been killed twice, and lost his girlfriend to an alien who had once tried to destroy the planet.  
  
He'd be damned if he'd be outsmarted by an eleven-year old.  
  
He grabbed Goten and hauled him behind him as he stalked off towards Trunks. Trunks saw him and blanched. Even he had rarely seen such a malicious grin as the one on Yamcha's face.  
  
The bandit reached him. Then he picked up both of the kids--by their hair again--and lifted them up to his eye-level. He was facing away from the stage.  
  
"That's it. I'm going to fly you both back to Capsule Corporation and lock you in the gravity room myself--" He stopped short at the looks on the kids' faces. Trunks, normally unflappable, was so shocked that his eyes were wide and his jaw slack. The same was true for Goten. At the same time, another huge cheer erupted. Yamcha knew what that meant.  
  
Lap dance.  
  
He grinned, and his anger faded away. So Gohan was getting a lap dance...that was worth all the trouble he'd been put through. He'd just hustle the kids over to another room, and after the party was over he'd take them home and apologize.  
  
Still holding them by the hair, he turned around.  
  
And his expression quickly resembled theirs.  
  
Yes, Gohan was getting a lap dance. Yes, as he'd expected, Gohan had had a mild nosebleed.  
  
What he hadn't expected was that he knew the stripper.  
  
Or that'd it be his girlfriend.  
  
"MARON?!" 


	10. Videl's Inebriated Adventures

Videl, meanwhile, was just wiping the remnants of her own nosebleed off of herself.  
  
It wasn't like she hadn't seen naked men before, just never with a crowd of other women watching and whistling while the man paraded around.  
  
She drained her cup and went to get another beer. As she did, she ran into Piccolo. He was getting another one for himself.  
  
"Um, hey Piccolo. How's the experiment going?"  
  
The Namek looked a tad unsteady, but his voice rang with the same firmity it always had. "It's going along fine."  
  
And then he seemed to lock into one position and tipped over backwards. His knees didn't even bend; he just fell at a perpendicular angle straight to the ground. His eyes remained open, but he was obviously out cold.  
  
Unsure of anything else she could do, Videl dragged him over to the nearest wall and propped him up against it. She headed back to the party.  
  
Well, she started to. But then perhaps the alcohol began to affect her brain. She went back, bent over, took his turban, and put it on her own head. It actually wasn't that bad of a fit, but it was pretty heavy. She took if off and felt inside. There were some weights inside. She fished them out and set them on the floor, then put the turban back on.  
  
She rejoined the crowd. It didn't take long before Bulma noticed Videl's new headwear. She pointed at it and began to giggle uncontrollably. Pretty soon everyone was laughing, even the normally unflappable Juuhachigou. The alcohol probably helped.  
  
"Y'know," said Raditz's fiance Iroke, "That looks good on you, but it's just not the same without...the cape..."  
  
As one, the crowd turned to stare at the still unconscious Piccolo. A wicked smile crept over Videl's face. She walked over to the Namek and unhooked his cape. With some help from Eliza, she was able to fasten it around her own shoulders.  
  
Striking a commanding looking pose--arms crossed, chest thrust out--she hovered a few feet into the air and yelled out, "I am the great Demon Queen, Videl!"  
  
Not all the ladies in the room got it, but they all laughed anyway.  
  
"I bet Gohan would attest to that! In bed, anyway!" yelled out Lunch.  
  
Everyone started to laugh again.  
  
"Next time, you should wear that outfit!" said Bulma. "Then I bet he'd really go after you!"  
  
"Don't forget, next time is gonna be tomorrow night!" Lunch reminded everyone.  
  
"Oh yeah, that's right! Be sure to send us copies of the video!"  
  
Doubling up with laughter, Videl sank back to the ground. "Oh, c'mon!" she said. "You know I'd have to charge enough to cover the duplication costs."  
  
As Videl and the other girls continued to throw risque jabs at each other, unnoticed to anyone Piccolo began to stir. Clutching his head, he sat up slowly. He didn't know what was going on, just that his head was throbbing severely.  
  
Next to him, he saw a bottle of beer. Hoping it would help his head, he downed it quickly.  
  
And he collapsed again. 


	11. The Wrath Of Chi-Chi

Meanwhile, unknown to either of the soon-to-be newlyweds, trouble was looming on the horizon.  
  
And it went by the name of Chi-Chi.  
  
She'd gotten into an argument with the hotel management over a technicality about the paying of the bill and the free vacation tickets she had "won." In the end, she and Goku had been kicked out of the hotel after she had tried to hit the manager with a chair.  
  
It was approximately 1:30 in the morning by now. They were headed back home. Chi-Chi was driving; it seemed to be the easiest outlet for her frustrations.  
  
They crested a hill that overlooked two parties that were bristling with light, even at this late hour. She wondered what they were, when suddenly, the engine began to sputter.  
  
Cursing, she pulled the car off the road just as it died completely. Neither of them had any mechanical aptitude, so they didn't even bother to inspect the engine.  
  
"We'll just have to go down to one of those buildings and ask for help."  
  
"How come?" asked Goku. "I'll just carry you and we can fly home."  
  
"And leave our luggage and car here? No way. Let's go. We'll each take a building."  
  
They started down the hill.  
  
***  
  
Maron had just gone backstage, and everyone was slapping Gohan on the back and congratulating him. He still wore that same fixed smile, when he felt it.  
  
The other warriors there felt it, too. The smiles vanished from all their faces.  
  
"What's wrong, Gohan?" asked Sharpener.  
  
"MY MOTHER'S COMING!"  
  
Now everyone froze. They'd all met Chi-Chi before and didn't want to get on her bad side. And if she saw them at her son's bachelor party--a party she didn't even know about--they would definitely be on her bad side.  
  
Turles was the first to recover. "Quick! Out the back door!"  
  
That was enough of a catalyst to get them all, even old Dr. Briefs, running for said door. Yamcha was still in shock from seeing his girfriend give Gohan a lap dance, but he still managed to make for the door, Goten and Trunks still in tow.  
  
***  
  
To everyone's surprise, Pu'ar had just managed to get off a very spicy joke. Then Mrs. Briefs followed up on that with one of her own. Now everyone was rolling on the floor, some literally.  
  
Then Videl felt it.  
  
She sat bolt up-right, her face a blanched mask of horror.  
  
"What's wrong, Videl?" asked Eliza.  
  
"MY FATHER-IN-LAW IS COMING!"  
  
Not everyone knew Goku, but they did all know Chi-Chi. And they knew that if he was there, she had to be nearby. That got everyone running for the back door.  
  
***  
  
The two crowds stumbled into one another behind the buildings.  
  
"Dammit!" said Yamcha, after they'd pieced together the situation. "I thought nothing could go wrong! I keep forgetting something always goes wrong!"  
  
He turned to the couple. "You two better get out of here. Head back to Dende. He'll cure your hangovers so that you won't be feeling horrible at tomorrow's ceremony."  
  
Gohan and Videl nodded and blasted off into the sky.  
  
Videl noticed that Gohan kept looking at her. "Something wrong?"  
  
"I just noticed that you look really good in that turban and cape."  
  
***  
  
Goku looked up. He thought he'd sensed Gohan and Videl...but he hadn't found anyone except some guy with very little clothes and Piccolo in a corner, apparently asleep.  
  
***  
  
"Maron? What are you doing here?" demanded Chi-Chi. "And why aren't you wearing anything?"  
  
"Just my job," said the woman with a smile.  
  
"What job is that?"  
  
"Stripping! They were having a bachelor party, some guy's getting married tomorrow."  
  
Chi-Chi could think quite fast.  
  
She held up her hand slightly higher than her head and asked, "Was he about this high with black, spiky hair and a tendency to blush easy?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"GOHAN!"  
  
***  
  
Everyone behind the buildings winced. They could hear that yell.  
  
***  
  
Goku rushed over to the other building. "Are you OK? Why'd you shout Gohan's name?"  
  
"I'll tell you later. What'd you find over there?"  
  
"Umm... just a guy with no clothes...and Piccolo sleeping."  
  
The part about Piccolo sleeping was a bit of a surprise, but she'd expected the rest of it. That had been Videl's party over there.  
  
She turned back to Maron. "Where'd everyone go?"  
  
"They just all ran out the back door." 


	12. Beginnings And Endings

Chi-Chi burst out the back door, with Goku following behind wondering what was going on. Seemingly not surprised by the huge mass of people, she yelled out, "WHERE'S MY SON AND THAT LITTLE HUSSY OF HIS?"  
  
"I'm right here!" said Goten, hopping up and down so that he could be seen.  
  
"I don't mean you, honey," she said sweetly, "I mean your brother."  
  
Goten started to answer. However, Trunks could see what has about to happen and thought quickly. He stepped on his friend's foot, causing him to let out a cry of pain.  
  
"Sorry about that. Hey, wanna play tag?" With that, Trunks took off into the air, Goten joyfully following.  
  
"TELL ME!" Chi-Chi reverted back to her loud voice and directed it at everyone still on the ground. "WHERE IS GOHAN?!"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," said Yamcha. You had to have superb improvisational skills in order to be a bandit, and he'd kept those skills throughout the years. "We haven't seen him or Videl. They're still missing, remember?"  
  
"Oh really? Then why did Maron in there say that this was Gohan's bachelor party?!"  
  
"Heh heh...you know Maron...easily confused. This wasn't a bachelor party."  
  
"Then why was she not wearing anything?"  
  
"She was just showing us her dancing skills."  
  
"By Kami-sama, you're her boyfriend! And you were OK with this?"  
  
"Yes," he said, although this was far from the truth.  
  
"Hmph. So tell me, what was the occasion for this party?"  
  
"It's the birthday of one of Gohan's friends. We were hoping that he might come to this, so we brought everyone here just in case he did."  
  
"And why is Piccolo sleeping in the building next door?"  
  
"Well, he said something about using a new kind of meditation to try and find Gohan, but that with all of our large ki forces around, it was difficult and he needed some distance. It must just look like sleep."  
  
Chi-Chi thought in silence for a moment, but couldn't find immediately find any holes in his story, though she knew he was making it up. She sighed.  
  
"Oh well, I must have been mistaken. Anyway, our car broke down. Yamcha, you know how to fix cars, right? Can you help?"  
  
He nodded and followed the couple back to their car. Fifteen minutes of poking under the hood later, he had it working again.  
  
"There you go," he said as he slammed the hood down. "You might want to have a professional look at that soon, though."  
  
"OK, I will," said Goku, who had taken the wheel. "Thanks for your help, and sorry for interrupting anything."  
  
"No big deal. Seeya at the wedding!"  
  
The look on Chi-Chi's face as they drove away was, Yamcha thought, priceless.  
  
***  
  
He returned to the large group.  
  
"Well?" asked Bulma.  
  
"I fixed their car. They're gone." Everyone began to breathe again.  
  
"Now that the guests of honor are no longer here," he continued, "We may as well go home. Someone go tell the strippers we're done with them."  
  
With that, he shot off into the sky and headed back to Capsule Corp.  
  
***  
  
Gohan and Videl landed back at the Tower. Their heads were beginning to throb. Dende welcomed them.  
  
"Anything I can do?"  
  
"Yeah," said Videl. "We don't feel too good. Mind healing us up?"  
  
"I can do that." A few seconds later, the couple was feeling fine.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Anytime, Gohan. The wedding is tomorrow, right?"  
  
"Yep. Tomorrow at noon."  
  
***  
  
Goku had just finished changing into his sleeping clothes when he heard something coming from the kitchen. He looked in to see what it was.  
  
Chi-Chi was crying.  
  
"Is something wrong?" he asked, walking up to his wife.  
  
She nodded. "It's Gohan," she said inbetween sobs. "I can't believe he's marrying that horrible girl."  
  
"I thought you liked Videl. Didn't you say something about 'marrying into money' or something like that?" Goku had never figured out what she meant by that.  
  
"That was before. Now I'm worried that she's just toying with him, and that he's just using her for...for...for some female company."  
  
Even Goku was able to understand what she meant. "Chi-Chi, you've raised him better than that. He wouldn't do such a thing. Remember the Budokai all those years ago? Just before Buu came along? You remember how each of them reacted when the other one was nearly killed. I can't see that kind of thing happening unless they truly cared for one another."  
  
She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I guess so. But it's not just that. Until he moved out, I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed having him around, and now I know that he won't be coming back. And it'll just be a couple more years before Goten starts getting interested in girls too. Then what?"  
  
He placed a hand on her shoulder. "We'll see when that happens. But whatever happens, I'll always be here. Now let's go to bed. Things always seem better when the sun's up."  
  
***  
  
He turned out to be right. What in the darkness seemed to be the sundering of her son from her was revealed in the light to be two hearts in love joining together.  
  
The couple turned up from wherever they had been hiding. Gohan showed up first. Then Videl; she was escorted down the aisle by her father Mr. Satan. Chi-Chi knew that he was as protective of Videl as she was of Gohan, so this must be right if he approved.  
  
After the ceremony, the newlyweds talked to everyone during the reception, though they seemed to be avoiding her.  
  
She didn't really care anymore about the personal question she had for them, but she knew that if she didn't try to ask she'd lose some of her reputation.  
  
As she'd expected, and half hoped, they flew away when she tried to ask. Keeping up appearances, she yelled after them, but inside she was grinning.  
  
***  
  
Gohan and Videl arrived in their honeymoon suite at one of the best hotels in the world.  
  
"We have weird parents," said Videl after they'd finished unpacking everything.  
  
"That we do," said Gohan, drawing her close.  
  
This isn't a lemon, so we'll draw the curtain of privacy and switch scenes.  
  
***  
  
When everyone from Capsule Corp. who went to the wedding returned, Yamcha immediately turned to face Maron.  
  
"How could you do that? I cannot believe that all this time you never told me you were a stripper!"  
  
"I told you that I was a dancer."  
  
"I thought that meant ballet or something! Get out!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me! Get packed and get out of here! Find an apartment. Hell, find your own house, I'll pay for it! But I don't want you here anymore! It's over!" Normally he would have been a bit gentler, but he was in no mood for that at the moment.  
  
Maron packed and left. Yamcha, fuming, watched silently as she drove off. He turned around, to find Bulma, Vegeta, and everyone else giving him a standing ovation.  
  
"What is this?"  
  
"We're glad you finally got rid of that idiot," said Vegeta. Bulma frowned, but didn't correct him.  
  
Yamcha growled in his throat, and stalked back to his room in silence. He sat on his bed for a few minutes, bitterly staring at the wall for a few minutes. Then someone entered.  
  
"Hey Pu'ar," he said wearily.  
  
His long-time friend, and floating cat shape-shifter, came up to him. "I'm sorry about Maron."  
  
"That's OK." He rubbed his forehead.  
  
"I want to show you something," she continued.  
  
"All right, show away."  
  
He'd been expecting her to show him a new shifted form that she could master, and he was right. He was, however, most definitely caught off guard by the actual form.  
  
She had transformed into a stunningly beautiful woman who seemed to embody everything he'd ever wished for in a woman.  
  
"Pu'ar...you...you..."  
  
She was blushing. "I'm sorry, but I had to let you know. I've had feelings for you for a long time, but I never could get up the courage to tell you. Not until now. You looked so depressed that I knew I had to do something to cheer you up."  
  
He couldn't say anything.  
  
"If you don't feel the same away about me, just let me know." It sounded like she was about to start crying.  
  
After a moment's pause, he spoke. "I don't. Yet. You've been my friend for so long that it's hard to think of you as anything else, but I'm more than willing to try. Want to do something on Saturday?"  
  
She nodded enthusiastically, and her grin was wider than anything he'd ever seen.  
  
"OK then, it's a date."  
  
She transformed back into her normal form, and flew off. Yamcha shrugged. Why not? He'd take shape-shifter over airhead anyday.  
  
END  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Well, I hope you enjoyed it. If it made you laugh even once this fic fulfilled its purpose, and if you laughed more than that I know I did a good job.  
  
So what's next? Well, I'm finally going to return to my long delayed "Tourney Nights" fic, which takes place after this in the Royalty Series timeline. After that, rest assured I have plenty of ideas lined up.  
  
Until then, I'm always  
-Thanos6  
  
PS Please leave a review! 


End file.
